I'M NOT A REAL AUTHOR,

BUT I PLAY ONE ON THE INTERNET

(Part 2 of 2)

By Steve Ludwig

So the day my finished, published book arrived in the mail was neat-o, baby. I didn't know this, but before the hard-copy books are released for sale, traditionally the author gets his or her copy first. 

Well, mine arrived (a hardcover and a paperback) and I held it in my hands and kinda just looked at it. Sue wasn't home from work yet, so I had a few hours alone with my little book. I kept picking it up, then cleaning off the glossy cover where my fingerprints lay.

I had gone back and forth with the publisher's art department, because I had wanted the word lighthearted in the title on the cover to be lower-cased, with the other important words in the title capitalized. No biggie to anyone except me, right? I just felt if See You in CCU: A Lighthearted Tale of My Open-Heart Surgery was going to be a mostly lighthearted affair, let's uncapitalize the word lighthearted.

A couple weeks later, when I received bookmarks and business cards as part of my publicity package, the word lighthearted was capitalized.

But being I was the only one in the universe who cared or even would have noticed, I didn't obsess over it (too much...).

I went into some local bookstores with a bunch of books in my bag, to ask the store managers if they would stock my book on a 50/50 deal: They'd get half and I'd get half of the money they make on my book. 

Most of the managers were nice about it; I was honest and told them I was a first-time author, I really didn't know how the whole sales thing worked, and I'd appreciate it if they would give me a break. 

Most took five books; one store manager, who wasn't interested because he was such a wonderful addition to the human race and too good for me, joyfully asked me really smarmy-like as I walked out of his store with my books, "And what are ya gonna do when ya run out of family members to buy your book?"

I was kinda taken aback, maybe a little hurt, but I just laughed and kept walking. Only when I got back in my car did I start thinking of what I should have said to him (most of which is better left unprinted).

But Mr. Big Shot Store Manager was the exception; even some of the big outlets, like a few Barnes and Nobles, have stocked my book.

Something I learned about being a first-time, unknown author is that book stores like Barnes and Noble usually don't automatically stock new books. 

I had to pay a fee to my publisher to become part of the "returnabilty program," which means if a bookstore doesn't sell your book after a period of time, they can return it to the distributor and get their money back. This way they're more likely to stock your book, knowing they are at no-risk if it doesn't sell. 

However, being part of the returnabilty program still doesn't guarantee that a place like Barnes and Noble will sell it. I went on the internet and found the addresses of Barnes and Noble stores in all 50 states and sent a letter to the store managers asking them to stock my book. I sent out 110 letters, as most states have multiple outlets. I didn't send to every single outlet, and naturally I still worry about the stores that didn't get letters.

I keep thinking one of those stores will have a customer looking for a book about open-heart surgery, and my book won't be among their choices!

Now, how do I know if a store sells my book, and how do I get my money for it? The local, single-outlet stores are easy to keep track of. I just give a call and see if there's any money for me to come pick up.

But outlets like Barnes and Noble pay the publisher, and from my publisher I receive a royalty check every four months (they receive payment from Barnes and Noble).

If a person buys a book from Barnes and Noble (either at one of their physically-standing stores or online), the author (ME!) gets only 10 % of the book price. The same goes for Amazon.com or other online services.

If the book is bought from my publisher's website (xlibris.com), I get 25 % of the book price.

I make most of the money from book sales by selling them myself at book readings and at my own website:  ccubook.com.

How do I get the books to sell by myself? Gotta buy them from the publisher, albeit at a reduced author's rate. The more books I buy in bulk from the publisher, the cheaper the cost to me.

In other words, I shan't quit my day job! However, as I've mentioned before, I never wrote a book to make money; it's just for the love of writing. 

Here's an incident that still brings a smile to my face. A little while ago, I stopped into a local Barnes and Noble. I hoped they stocked my book, so I looked around for it; couldn't find it. So I went to customer service and asked, very self-consciously, "Do you have a book called See You In CCU?" I even said the title as if I wasn't sure if that was the right title. 

"Who's the author?" I was asked. 

"I think it's Ludwig. Steve." (Ay-yi-yi...I'M the author!!! Don't give it away, ya dope!)

The clerk checked her monitor..."Yeah here it is. I'll show you."

She walked me over to the shelf, and there I was, snuggled comfortably between Susan Lucci and Jane Lynch:

Ha, ha, I thought. If Susan and Jane (first-name basis, of course) were both in this store at the exact same time I was, and they were looking for their books and they saw me and my book between them, they would HAVE to shake my hand after I introduced myself! (Well, it makes sense to me!)

So the clerk took one of my books off the shelf and said, "Come on. I'll ring you up."

Uh-oh. My author's picture is on the back cover. Don't look at the back cover, Ms. Nice Clerk Lady. The jig'll be up!!

"Uh, that's OK. I'll take it. I'm still gonna look around." Quick thinking, close friend of Susan Lucci and Jane Lynch!

I walked around the store like an idiot for a minute or so, holding my book which I had no intention of buying. Once the coast was clear, I casually returned it to its shelf.

(Incidentally, I went back to the same Barnes and Noble a couple weeks later and there was only one copy out of the four of my book left. Yeah! Sold three copies in two weeks! It's nice to have family and good friends!)

Speaking of family, I need to take thank, first, my nephew Billy Ludwig, a professional photographer, for taking the author's picture of Sue and me which appears on the back cover of my book:

Billy will also be taking the photo for the cover of my upcoming book, FEELING WELL: SURVIVING LIFE AND STUPID PUNS, to be published sometime in 2013.

And secondly, I want to thank my brother, Tom Ludwig, a graduate of the Art Students League in New York, for doing the 8 fantastic, humorous illustrations that appear in SEE YOU IN CCU.

Tom will also be doing illustrations for my FEELING WELL book. Tom doesn't know that  yet, so...Tom, if you're reading this blog, guess what...

To support SEE YOU IN CCU, I've appeared on cable TV shows and radio shows, did a promo video, as well as doing book readings, two of which were at Gizzi's in Greenwich Village, NYC. 

Evan Ginzburg, the booking agent at Gizzi's, has also had me on his radio show, LegendsRadio.net. 

In past blogs, I've written extensively about these radio, TV, and personal appearances.

Check out my blogs from May 1, 2012; May 21, 2012; June 2, 2012; and August 27, 2012 to read about those appearances.

Follow me on Twitter:  www.Twitter.com/LudGuy.

I have a pop culture radio show called STEVE LUDWIG'S CLASSIC POP CULTURE, at www.PlanetLudwig.com.

Thanks to the over 10,000 of you who have read my blogs!

IF YOU ENJOYED READING THIS BLOG, WHY, HECK, YOU MAY LIKE MY BOOK, SEE YOU IN CCU. IT'S AVAILABLE FOR HALF-PRICE IF YOU ORDER IT DIRECTLY FROM MY WEBSITE:  CCUBOOK.COM.

Check out my brother Tom's blog at SecondGradeMinds.wordpress.com.

As always, thanks so much for taking the time to read my blog.  -Steve